BLOG POST: The Most Unexpected Place to Find Love

When I was in grade school, my friends and I would make fun of that good ol’ song from “Urban Cowboy.” Sticking our thumbs up into our armpits, we’d sing with a Southern twang, “I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places, Lookin' for love in too many faces...”


Little did I know what an important message those words would have for me today. 


In fact, the other day as I listened to a client struggle with difficult emotions, it reminded me of how many women feel unsupported and unloved, being pulled in different directions between work and family.


Worn down and sluggish, putting your needs last, neglecting yourself at the bottom of the totem pole, it’s no wonder many women cannot feel appreciated, cared for and genuinely happy. 


And yet the solution is so close to home. 


In an era when friends, lovers and spouses can sit together being worlds apart on their devices, we forget what being connected really means. 


It’s all about being connected with yourself. 


And you can’t be connected to yourself if you’re giving to everyone else but you. 


So it makes sense that my client was feeling frustrated and resentful. 


And the irony is that she knew what she had to do. She needed to take care of herself, give to herself, eat healthy, exercise and have a sense of self-care that is non-negotiable. She knew that these things would give her a sense of inner peace and revitalization. 


What was getting in her way? 


The thing in her way wasn’t something she HAD. 


It was something she didn’t have:




In our session she discovered --profoundly-- that the missing piece was loving herself! 


She had mistakenly thought that love was something that someone else should give to her. 


Now she knows that she can find love and joy within herself by showing herself compassion and stop being hard on herself. 


Yes, the most unexpected place to find love is within yourself. (Bet you guessed it anyway!) 


Just for fun, here are three ways to find love within yourself.  


  1. Slow down. And maybe even stop. When was the last time you took a break and found time for yourself? It’s so easy to always be on the go, doing everything for everybody, like juggling balls in the air, spinning plates or riding a rollercoaster of “to do.” When you take time for yourself, you have a chance to reconnect with yourself, feel positive, and give yourself the love you need. 


  1. Breathe. My favorite ways to breathe are in yoga and meditation. Breathing is the fastest way to give yourself love and find joy. Your chest and lungs expand -- that’s where your heart is -- while oxygen and life-force energy enriches your cells. I remember one time after a particular life crisis, when taking a breath of fresh air was like drinking a cold glass of water. So refreshing! 


  1. Journal. In an era when texting and Facebook chat take your energy and focus away from yourself, journaling helps you place attention on your own thoughts, values, and experiences. It’s a way of showing yourself love by listening to your own words flowing out onto the page. 


How about showing yourself love by taking time out for yourself to slow down, breathe, journal, and just BE?

Feel free to share your thoughts with me!